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08 August 2008 @ 02:57 pm
Lolwhut?  
(Breaking Dawn spoilers)

DUDE.
MY SPERM TOTALLY WORKS.  IT DIDN'T SHOOT A HOLE IN BELLA'S VAJAYJAY.  IT DID, HOWEVER, IMPREGNATE HER WITH MY DEMONSPAWNGORGEOUS CUTE DARLING LITTLE GIRL.  HOW AWESOME AM I?

The other day, I (stupidly) allowed Jacob to watch Renesmee Carlie Rosalice Jemmett Edwardina Jacoba MikeNewton Elizabeth Masen Lauren Jessica Meyer Angela Cullen while Bella and I did the nasty again.  When we were done, I came to pick up my demonspawndaughter and HE WAS TOTALLY FEELING HER UP.  DUDE.  SERIOUSLY.  THE SICKNASTY PERV.

He was all, "OMG NO I WAS NOT FEELING HER UP I WAS WIPING BLOOD OFF OF HER SHIRT!" and I was all, "LOL YA RITE.  YOU ARE SO LYING, BITCH.  GET YER FURRY PAWS OFF MAH BB!" and he said, "I AM NOT FURRY...RIGHT NOW."  So I snatched Ness-Ness away from him and took her back home, with her saying, "LOL Father, I can confirm that Jacob intended nothing perverted when he placed his hand on my premature bossom."  And I was like, "WTF?  YOU'RE, LIKE, FIVE YEARS OLD."  She smiled at me and bit my arm, looking for blood.  Dumb little bitch.

So anyway, we got home and Carlisle scolded me for not listening to Jacob and Ness-Ness.  Haha.  Oops.  Then Bella came over, snatched my mutant X-men freak child away from me, and left.  Seriously.  I have no idea where they are.

BELLAAAAAAA.  I miss you, baby. :( :( :(
Please come back.
I promise that I can't impregnate you with my AWESOMEsperm anymore.
I love you.

Fare thee well,
Edward
 
 
Current Location: Emo Corner
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: I Slit My Wrists When No One's Around by E.M.O.
 
 
 
i could be yours, if you would be mine: twilight text rear childsearchtheskies on August 8th, 2008 07:59 pm (UTC)
ROFL. WELCOME BACK, EDWARD. GLAD YOU FINALLY GOT LAID!
not applicable.nuits_froides on August 8th, 2008 09:28 pm (UTC)
OH GOD, I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SINCE I READ BREAKING DAWN.

ILU EDWARD CULLEN EVEN IF THE BOOK WAS AN EPIC FAIL.
jezebellydancerjezebellydancer on September 4th, 2008 03:08 am (UTC)
"...EVEN IF THE BOOK WAS AN EPIC FAIL."

Tru fax!!

Good to see you back and in good form Eddie.

And dude, you seriously should have hired that belly dancer for your bachelor party.
kayti michellethoushaltkissme on August 8th, 2008 11:11 pm (UTC)
WINWIN. ♥
just call me pixie: chaserthe_angry_pixie on August 9th, 2008 06:55 am (UTC)
oh eddiekins. ive missed you.
TF: eddietoxic_glory on August 9th, 2008 07:48 am (UTC)
I missed me too. Where the hell was I in Breaking Dawn?
just call me pixie: chaserthe_angry_pixie on August 9th, 2008 07:50 am (UTC)
off telling all your vamp buddies that you were no longer a virgin.

Woo! High-five!
Emma Louisefoxxy_moron on August 12th, 2008 05:16 am (UTC)
LOL LOL lOL i fricken hate that baby!
Maewrongvswrite on August 13th, 2008 04:31 am (UTC)
LOLOL
I just found this LJ, and I'm dyinnn over here.
hibellahibella on August 16th, 2008 05:44 am (UTC)
This community/journal is hilarious. Ugh why didn't I find this earlier.